Keep your eyes open and your mouth shut.

Im so ill that I have been banned from the rest of the house. Brianna cannot get sick because of a heart condition and her ability to get EVERY side effect known to man, she cant take anti-biotics if its serious.

She keeps spraying me with Lysol spray.

Which is something I do not buy. There are far too many chemicals. But, I guess it has to be this way. Im so lonely though. I feel like Im on another planet.

I spent the afternoon watching VH1. They had a 1990s music countdown. It was pretty cool, actually.

I just want to lay on the floor, with my eyes closed, listening to music. I havent done that in so many years.

Most of the faces I make on Draw Something look like the Jack in the Box guy. Add me. Play me. I have resorted to playing strangers by hitting the RANDOM button. Stranger danger. Save me.

Its almost 1am. I need to email someone and shut the distractions down for the night. I havent had a chance to catch up on all of you. I will get to my asks tomorrow.

:)

Im too sick and crabby to be on the internet.

I just want Brianna to come home now.

Oh…and…the FDA openly states that the fourth leading cause of death in America is adverse reactions to prescriptions drugs.

Hello.

Wake up! Stop taking things! Stop giving them to your babies.

Ugh.

So, just to spice things up a bit, it was MY turn to spend the evening in the hospital. They did a bunch things to me. Some weird stuff showed up. Blah. Im really sick.

Brianna went to a doctors appointment alone today. For the first time. Im too sick. Im far too weak. It was just an appointment to have routine blood work but I feel really bad for missing it.

I wish my mom would stop calling our yogurt “Oikos” its just yogurt man. Yogurt.

Theres so much sickness around me. The stress of it is really weighing me down. Brianna, with her spinal pressure up, around her brain, causing swelling behind her eye. Me, God knows what now. Nicks insurance doesnt kick in for another 3 months, 6 total, not 3 like he was told when he went on full time. Our dear friend, that we love, so much, is headed for Baltimore for a month for a special chemo treatment for something so rare I cannot spell it. Hes only 19. Half of my sickness is probably from stress.

I refused the nose swab for the flu. First of all…no, kiss my ass. Second of all…Im not taking your lie filled prescriptions drugs even if I do have it. So, cat scan me, suck all my blood out, even x-ray me but no nose swab.

Theres no point to this post really. Im exhausted. I have a terrible headache and Im just waiting for pain killers to kick in. I hate to take them during the day but theres no choice.

Lamar Odom makes me cry. He seems so sad.

Oh, and…

I dont care if John Travolta is gay or not.

BUT, Im actually angry thinking his entire life was just a show, to hide it. The weird thing is, I couldnt care less about celebrities and their lives. But, this latest news, about him, is just pissing me off for some reason.

I wake up everyday with the best intentions for getting things done. Well, most days anyway. Today didnt really pan out as productive. I havent eaten yet either.

I posted something and then deleted a bit ago. It was about Brianna.

I know I post a lot about her accomplishments. I know Ive mentioned how far ahead she is in college. But I dont think Ive ever given the reason why.

The bottom line is, she really wants to have a baby. She is also determined to be a virgin until her wedding night, to honor God. So, shes flying through school so they can get married in about 2 years. She should be half way through her masters or further. Then finish her Phd after that. But all of this is about having a baby.

The hardest thing is to see her face when she finds out that another girl, her age, is pregnant. Surprise babies! Everyone is excited, shocked… it doesnt matter. Its a baby. She wants one. I think that, sometimes, she wishes she wasnt so responsible.  It doesnt help that she is oddly afraid of infertility, for no reason, and that she has been so, very seriously ill for the last year and a half.

Ugh. I dont know. Its hard to see her work so hard and long for a baby. It will happen eventually and her plan is good. Its very good. Im proud of her.

Well, anyway. Its all about wanting a baby. As fast as possible.

**Well, she babysits but the kids are getting older, the youngest is 5 now. She doesnt really have much time. She might be able to get back into coaching cheer again in the fall but those kids will be older too. One of her best friends is due to give birth any minute and will be here for 6 months before joining her husband in Japan. So, Im hoping that the time with the baby will fill the gap. We used to have a lot of babies around, before we moved to Texas. As far as school, she does really well. She was in the hospital for 2 weeks and was able to bounce right back. Its actually pretty incredible. Spending time with some babies usually does everyone some good! So, Im looking forward to having her friends baby around :)

Wow.

I was totally sucked into that fake blog.

Geez.

If I was a cool NBA star, I would say, “Ive been keeping a low pro,” but, Im not. So, I just havent been on Tumblr lately. Period.

Brianna (and Nick) have 2 weeks off of school before summer classes start. Brianna has several doctors appointments but all of that should be done by Monday afternoon.

The upstairs of my house is still a wreck. The Happy Birthday banner is still up from my moms birthday on the 8th. Its just out of control.

We went downtown for 2 appointments yesterday. I was almost dead when we got home. I havent eaten in a few days. Blah. I think my spleen is ruptured (kidding. sort of). If I dont feel better soon, I will see my doctor. In the meantime, I just want to spend all of this time with Brianna.

Shes babysitting right now. Nick spent the last 2 days fishing with his buddies at a place called Turkey Bend. Haha. Oh my God. We live in Texas. Then today when he got home, his friends came here too. Brianna looked out the window and said, “Oh my God, why are there SO MANY pick-up trucks in front of my house!!!”  Haha. Oh Texas. So, all he has eaten for 48 hours is cheap hot dogs. Hes a little sun-kissed and Im sure very tired. But, off to work he went.

Im just sitting in my bed, facing the wall, so I dont have to look at the mess and Im just trying to find the right excuse to take a nap.

Please tell me what Ive missed. If youre not on my Facebook, and you play Draw Something…ADD ME! Im not very good at it but I am eager. Haha

I have several asks to respond to and I will ASAP. I apologize if I dont get to them today.

Im really not feeling well and Im beyond…annoyed, I guess thats the best word.

I am one of three cousins. Our family used to be extremely close. All of us had a baby within 10 months of eachother. So, Brianna has two cousins, very close in age. All raised so differently. I have mentioned them before and deleted some of the post.

We all moved away at the same time, to different states. Our family is totally and irreversibly broken due to some crazy circumstances that really dont matter for this post.

I DO have a heart. I DO care about Brianna’s cousins. However, they are assholes. When I say that they were raised in a completely different ways, that is an understatement.

Brianna is the youngest of the three. She and the oldest, a boy, were the closest. They spent a lot of time together and he was always at our house. He was a fun kid. The middle cousin, a girl, didnt stay with us much. She was always pretty annoying just…bad, weird.

Fast forward to now. We have zero contact with the boy cousin and his parents. We hear he is on drugs and house arrest. No job. No school. Zero future. Its a shame and its sad. Huge parenting fail. That has nothing to do with breast feeding or circumcision. So, please, get your heads out of your asses and open your eyes. You are raising a human. Not an eternal infant.

The middle cousin, the girl, has a little contact with my mom. They text some. She lives near my moms sister and my mom and her sister are close. This cousin is still weird. No school, no job, no future. Another huge parenting fail. Oh and she was breastfed. So…maybe its from not cloth diapering? No. Those things have NOTHING to do with the future adults we are raising.

We found out today that shes on meth. Shooting it up, apparently. My mom is a wreck about it. Those kids are her sisters grandchildren. Brianna grew up with them. Those are my cousins kids. They were babies together.  I was there at their births.

I feel bad. I dont want anything to happen to them.

What bothers me the most is that MY kid has been seriously ill, due to no fault of her own, with something that can be fatal. BUT she is two years ahead in college, shes had the same boyfriend for over 2 1/2 years. Shes never taken drugs. Shes only had a drink or two, AT HOME. Shes a virgin and wants to stay that way until her wedding night. She did cheer for 10 years and then coached for 2 years. She tutors and babysits for the two families that love and adore her, for years now. Shes a really good kid. Shes not dull. Shes been pretty wild. We’ve been through the boys and parties but shes always kept a good head on her shoulders. But my mom cant really brag about her amazing grand-daughter because then her sister feels even worse about her asshole grandchildren. On drugs, no school, no jobs.

Im just angry. Im angry that my cousins raised these kids. Im angry that their lives may be in jeopardy because our family has become undone. Im angry that my mom suggested that the one on meth come here, to my home, to get out off of drugs. No. MY kid has been through too much. I have her, Nick and my little sister to think of. They have to come first. That sounds harsh and uncaring but it is what it is.

I have spent every hour, of every day, thinking about and making the RIGHT decisions for my daughter and they have paid off. Totally and completely. I have done the work that my cousins refused to do. Am I a better parent? Hell yes I am. Do I wish things were different? Sure. Am I responsible for fixing their mistakes? No. My mom just said that was un-Christian like of me. She took it back after she said it, but she said it. Shes crying. Worried. Shes always the one to fix everything. I just wont have that here. I wont lay that on these kids that are here. Working hard, in school, good, solid kids. Theres other ways to help.

Im exhausted. Im angry.

I havent been on in a few days. I was trying to catch up on a few of my favorite Tumblrs but I have to get off line soon.

I am pretty excited for this huge storm that we are supposed to get tonight. 5 inches? We’ll see. But, the fact that everyone will be at home and safe is what I love.

Its already started to storm a little now though and the kids are out. They have their last finals today and Brianna needs an iPad, apparently. Haha, it will be fun to mess around with later. She is officially a college junior now. She will be finished with her bachelors in one year though. My own little Doogie Houser. Sort of.

Shes not well though. Shes pushing through but might have to be back in the hospital this weekend. Please pray for her.

I went grocery shopping today for the first time in a long, long time. I bought a lot of healthy things that no one else will. Which also means I have to cook /make it.

Fresh fruit salad. Turkey and rice meatballs, mushroom stuffed tomatoes and fresh cut, oven baked fries. Its going to take a couple of hours to prepare. It will be nice though.

Since Im insane about power surges (from living in hurricane land so many years and losing computers, etc) Im going to go through the house and unplug all of the flat screens, desktops and laptops. I like to be safe rather than sorry.

Oh…and Im SO glad I missed whatever the hell video was going around.

It took me a little while but I finally came up with a great reason for not starting to clean Brianna’s room today.

Tomorrow is my moms birthday. If I drag out all of Brianna’s dirty clothes and add Nicks, to the loft to sort, the loft will be a mess.

Since it will be my moms birthday, we will want to hang out in the loft for cake and presents and everything.

So… thats that. No cleaning today.

:)

Im going to go clean Brianna’s room. At least start it by getting all of her laundy out into the loft to separate it. I will probably get all of Nick’s, from his room, and get it done together. Between the two of them, including towels, theres probably 13 loads of wash.

Ill post the actual number when Im done.

We are under a flash flood and severe storm warning for tonight and tomorrow.

I dont know if its from all of the years living on or a mile from the ocean in Boca and preparing for hurricanes OR if its just my nature to be a nut case about storms… but as soon as I catch the smallest news blip about stormy weather, Im in prep mode.

Im immediately worried about who is where and when they will be home and sometimes this means trying to figure that out days in advance!

It doesnt help that my daughter isnt well. Shes been dizzy for 2 days and thats not a good sign. However, she drove herself to classes instead of driving with Nick today. I already had to text Nick to come home to take his pills that he forgot and then the minute he pulled into school again, I told him to come back home, again, to leave his truck here. This way, my mom can drop him off at school and if Brianna is dizzy, he can drive. Rather than all of us, out in the rain, getting cars and people home.

Blah.

I really need to get something accomplished today. Im still really sick. Its some kind of phlemy chest infection. If Im not better in a couple of days, Ill go see my doctor.

I have the website all set up to watch my sisters awards presentation online tonight. She said its 4 hours long. I DONT CARE! I would sit through anything for her. I just with I could be there.